“…and forgiving one another,
if anyone
has a complaint against another;
even as
Christ forgave you, so you also must do.”
We all know
we should forgive those who sin against us. But sometimes it seems easier to
say than to do. We find ourselves giving ‘intellectual forgiveness’ and still
struggling to give ‘emotional forgiveness.’ But is there a way to move beyond
this? Can the Bible help us out here?
I believe
that the Bible does indeed provide a way to gain victory in this area. It
fleshes out the command to forgive with practical guidance, and today I would
like to point out three of basic principles it states. I’ll call them “The
‘R’s’ of forgiveness.” Perhaps they will help you the next time you are called
upon to forgive.
§
Remember.
It is amazing how good we can be at
remembering the faults of others. But that’s not the type of ‘remembering’ I’m
talking about here. No, the remembering I’m referring to here refers to the
recalling of our own faults and needs.
First, we should remember our membership in
the global family. I must remind myself that I, too, am a descendant of Adam,
and that I have also received from him a sin nature. When I quote Romans 3:23 (“for all have
sinned and fall short of the glory of God”), I must remind myself that I am
truly part of the “all.” I myself was once at war with God. And this is no
esoteric, philosophical notion. I was a literal rebel, cursing Almighty God in
my thoughts and actions.
Second, we should remember that our rebellion
against Almighty God earned us the ultimate death sentence. I, personally, was
placed upon the Divine’s death row. And rightly so. When I read that “the wages
of sin is death” (Romans 6:23 ),
I must recall that I earned my place in hell’s torture chambers.
Third, we should remember that it is only
Almighty God’s gift that frees us from that death sentence and, more than that,
gives us a position in His heavenly abode. That’s what I should remember as I
finish reading Romans 6:23 :
“but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
And then, fourth, we should remember what
Jesus told Peter about forgiveness. This is recorded in Matthew 18 . Jesus likened a
person’s offense against another to a paltry sum owed between servants, and
then He likened a person’s offense against Almighty God to an incomprehensibly
large sum owed by a servant to a king. In the story He tells, He describes the
king as having forgiven the servant’s debt. And then He describes the servant
as having exacted payment from his fellow servant. The matter is reported to
the king, and the unmerciful servant is punished. The underlying principle is
that the one who has been forgiven much should forgive much. For me, it means
that when another person sins against me, I should remember how much Almighty
God has forgiven me and forgive that person, genuinely, from my heart. (Matthew 18:35 )
§
Reframe.
To ‘reframe’ an event is to re-think the
event and to question the assumptions you made about it in the first place. Or
add new ones to it. It is a matter of trying to see it from the other person’s
perspective.
In many ways, ‘reframing’ is similar to
‘remembering.’ The difference here is that you choose to remember specific
things about the other person that you may have forgotten or ignored. The first
is that the other person also is a fallen individual, one who needs God’s grace
as desperately as you do. The second is that he or she also has many things
going on in his or her life, things of which you are unaware. And, the third is
that you are neither omniscient nor sovereign. Reframing means remembering that
only God is God and deciding to leave the judgment to Him.
Practically speaking, reframing looks a
little like this: Someone ignores me and refuses to shake my hand at a social
event. My natural (fleshly) instinct is to think, “Wow, that guy is really a
jerk. He just thinks he’s better than I am.” And then I am tempted to ignore
him from then on. But then I remember Jesus’ words, and I realize I need to
forgive him. But perhaps I am still struggling. At this time I should
consciously decide to ‘re-frame’ the event. I might imagine something like
this: Maybe he was thinking about a huge problem he has going on at work, and
maybe he was distracted and failed to see my hand, and maybe it was only later
that he even realized he had passed by me. And maybe he even felt a little bad
for ignoring me.
Now, of course, the reality is that I don’t
know what was going on in his mind. And that’s just the point. I don’t know,
and I can’t know. Only God knows. And when I recall that, I am left with only a
few options. I can go to him and ask him why he ignored me, or I can simply
assume he meant no harm.
I think that is much of what Paul is driving
at in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 : that
we should assume the best and move on.
§
Release.
The third “R” I came up with is ‘release.’ By
that, I mean to ‘let it go.’
I think we sometimes forget that we have the
freedom to let things go, and my hope here is simply to remind you (and me) of
that option.
But I do want to clarify something… In the
past, particularly in cases of parental abuse, I have heard abusers say to
victims, “Just forgive me. Why do you have to even bring this up? Just forget
it, forgive me, and move on.”
I do not believe this sort of ‘release’ is
what is involved in biblical forgiveness. In such cases, it seems that the
abuser is asking the victim to engage in denial, not forgiveness. Why? Because
I don’t believe that a person can genuinely forgive another person until he or
she has realized that a wrong has occurred. Now, please don’t misunderstand. I
am not suggesting that wrongs must be examined in excruciating detail to
legitimize them. But I am suggesting that a call to forgiveness rests on an
affirmation that a wrong has, indeed, occurred. To forgive is to say,
essentially, yes, a wrong has occurred, and I will forgive you for doing it.
Forgiveness is not denial. It rests on
acceptance and culminates in release. It is a decision to ‘let it go’ and to
keep no record of the wrong.
This is what God has done for us in Christ
Jesus. There is no question of whether we did wrong. We all did. We all needed
His forgiveness. And there is no question of the enormity of that wrong. It was
an incomprehensible and incomparable evil. But to recall this is only to
rehearse (and glorify) the enormity of His forgiveness. With full understanding
of the evil in which we engaged, with full cognition of our rebellion and
enmity, Christ died for us, that we might live and be imputed His very own
righteousness. (2 Corinthians
5:21 ) Wow. Praise God!
Well,
that cover’s my three “R’s.” Did you think of others? Is there someone you need
to forgive today? If so, let me encourage to do so before the sun sets!
“And be kind to one another,
tenderhearted,
forgiving
one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians
4:32 -- Christian Pilet
No comments:
Post a Comment