“And when you will be gone,
just like every one else,
I will cry for you like the snow
just like every one else,
I will cry for you like the snow
that melts at the first hint of summer.”
Sanhita Baruah
A friend recently said she had a theological
question for me: Will she and her husband still be married when they reach
heaven?
When I heard her question, I felt relieved.
From a Scriptural standpoint, this is a relatively easy question to answer. It
wasn’t as if she had asked me to articulate and defend a particular order of
salvation. And I gave her my answer, summarized briefly here:
The Sadducees once
asked Jesus a similar question (Matthew
22 ). They described a situation in which seven brothers had each
married a woman and then asked, “In the resurrection, whose wife will she be?”
Jesus responded by saying, “In the resurrection they neither marry nor are
given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven.” So, Jesus taught that
marriage will not continue in heaven. Pretty clear.
Also, the Apostle
Paul used the temporal nature of marriage to underscore the reality that the
Law only holds sway until death (Romans
7 ). He wrote that a woman is bound by the law to her husband “as
long as he lives” but is released if he dies. If he dies, he declared, she is
free to remarry. So, Paul affirmed as true what Jesus had already taught.
Furthermore, these
Scriptural points are reflected in most marriage ceremonies – sacred or
secular, as the couple vows to be faithful “till death do us part.” Yep, even
humanity’s ‘natural instinct’ generally endorses the truths proclaimed by
Christ and affirmed by His Church.
So, the bottom line, I explained, from a
Scriptural standpoint, is that marriage between a man and a woman does not
extend into heaven. The answer to her question, quite simply, was no.
I said all this, and then, looking at my
friend, saw she was crestfallen.
“Oh,” she said. “Oh, that’s sad… I love
him so much.”
As she said that, I realized that I had once
again permitted my brain to race ahead of my heart. I had given my answer
without considering the emotional impulse that had driven her question. You
see, the source of her question was very different from that of the Sadducees.
They had been seeking to test Jesus and trick Him into a logical contradiction.
They were attempting to win at a religious mind-game. But she wasn’t. Hers was
no game. She was not trying to establish a proposition in a theological
argument. She was not thinking of her relationship with her husband in terms of
metaphor.
Her question was an expression of her love’s
desire. She loves her husband, and the idea of losing the special intimacy she
enjoys with him is crushing. I could see that, for her, my answer had turned
the prospect of glory into a burden, not a blessing. Wow.
What can we say to all this? How could I have
given a better answer?
Well, I think we can say that most of us have
experienced similar feelings. We marry because we enjoy and appreciate the
unique qualities of our spouses. And even with all the imperfections and
annoyances of living in a fallen world, we treasure our spouses and our
marriages. We recoil at the idea of losing that special intimacy. So, we share
her concern.
And we can say that, still, we, as believers,
must embrace the Scriptural realities that the current marital relationship
between a husband and a wife is temporal. To do otherwise is to ignore God’s
Word.
And we can also say that we must, as
believers, affirm God’s Goodness and the superior blessing of Eternity with
Him. Glory – our abiding future lives with Him – is uniformly presented in the
Scriptures as immeasurably superior to life in this sin-cursed world. The
constant proclamation of Scripture is that “the best is yet to come!” We have a
future prepared for us that is better than anything we can imagine, the gift of
an infinitely loving and good God. Glory will not be a burden; it will be a
blessing!
But how then can we reconcile these thoughts
with the emotional impulse expressed in my friend’s question?
I would like to offer a few suggestions for
your consideration. (And, yes, I mentioned these to her.) See whether you agree
or disagree with me…
First, my friend’s emotional impulse is a
healthy one. The desire to see intimate fellowship continue for eternity is
good and appropriate. Humanity was created for everlasting relationships. Death
is the anomaly; death is the interloper and disrupter of fellowship. We should
all desire intimacy to continue eternally.
Second, marital intimacy is a foreshadowing
of spiritual realities. Paul describes the relationship between Christ and His
Church using marriage as his metaphor. And there is more to his metaphor than
as a mere blueprint for governance and roles. It speaks of intimacy, of an
intimacy that extends to Christ and His Church universal. So, in short, the
best of marital intimacy is an imperfect foreshadowing of an intimacy to be
enjoyed between Christ and all believers.
Third, this intimacy between Christ and
believers is an ‘already-not yet’ reality. We enjoy an intimacy with other
believers now that we did not know before our conversions. And we will
enjoy an oneness with God and other believers then that will transcend
anything we have known yet.
Fourth, we ought to reframe the emotional
question, turning it from its presupposition of loss to a presupposition of
gain. Glory will not entail the loss of special intimacy with one’s spouse; it
will entail the gain of special intimacy with all believers! Marriage will no
longer be necessary because we will all enjoy the intimacy of
marriage. Or, in other words, the intimacy of which earthly marital love hints
will one day be fully realized in the eternal communion of the saints in glory.
What do you think? Do you agree? Are these
answers emotionally satisfying? I’d love to hear your thoughts.
“And the
glory which You gave Me
I have
given them, that they may be one
just as We
are one: I in them, and You in Me;
that they
may be made perfect in one.”
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