Covenants Made Concrete

This was a momentous week in the Pilet household. Wednesday evening, Grace was asked by her boyfriend, Leif Jacobsen, to marry him. More importantly, from our perspective, she said “yes.” And now she is wearing some serious ring-finger blingage. (And, yes, he asked for our blessing first.) But I won’t go into all the details about how he asked her. That’s their story, and I’ll leave it for them to tell.

As we were doing the customary gushing over Grace’s diamond engagement ring, I started wondering about the origin of the wedding ring in general and the engagement ring specifically. Why do we give rings? Why do we give diamonds? Is it some sort of “Pebble and the Penguin” thing? What’s up? And why do most of us follow the tradition?

Discerning the origins of the wedding ring is not easy. There are, apparently, two main schools of thought concerning the matter (if we can really call a few debating geeks rivaling schools). One school of thought maintains that the modern ring is symbolic of the fetters used by barbarians to tether a bride to her captor’s home. If that is true, then today’s double ring ceremonies fittingly express the new found equality of the sexes.

The other school of though focuses on the first actual bands exchanged in a marriage ceremony. A finger ring was first used in the Third Dynasty of the Old Kingdom of Egypt, around 2800 B.C. To the Egyptians, a circle, having no beginning or end, signified eternity – for which marriage was binding.

Rings of gold were the most highly valued by wealthy Egyptians, and later Romans. Indeed, there is evidenced that young Roman men of moderate financial means often went from broke for their future brides. Tertullian, a leader of the early Christian church, observed in the second century A.D. that “most women know nothing of gold except the single marriage ring placed on one finger.” In public, the average Roman housewife proudly wore her gold band, but at home, according to Tertullian, she “wore a ring of iron.”

One of the first mentions of a diamond wedding ring is found in a Venetian document 1503. It lists “one marrying ring having diamond” belonging to a “Mary of Modina.”

The Venetians were the first to discover that the diamond is one of the hardest, most enduring substances in nature, and that fine cutting and polishing releases its brilliance. Diamonds, set in bands of silver and gold, became popular as wedding rings among wealthy Venetians toward the close of the fifteenth century. The rarity and cost of diamonds slowed the spread of this fad, but by the seventeenth century, the diamond ring had become the most popular, sought-after statement of a European engagement.

The question of when the giving of an engagement ring became common practice has a fairly clear answer, at least within Western Europe. In A.D. 860, Pope Nicholas I decreed that an engagement ring become a required statement of nuptial intent. And for Nicholas, a ring of just any material or worth would not suffice. The engagement ring was to be of a valued metal, preferably gold, which for the husband-to-be represented a financial sacrifice.

As far as diamond engagement rings, it is easy to see how the two traditions merged, and the diamond engagement ring became the standard statement of intent.

At its most basic level, the giving and receiving of an engagement ring is a promise, a promise made visible and concrete through a sacrificial gift.

One of the great metaphors used in the Scriptures to describe the relationship between Jesus Christ and the Church is that of a husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22-33). The Church has and will have a special, spiritual relationship with Him analogous to that of a married couple. But just as Grace and Leif did not and will not enter into marriage without a process and covenant, so also Jesus and the Church did not enter into their unique relationship without a process and a covenant. Jesus came, in His first Advent, and paid the brideprice with His blood. He demonstrated His total commitment with a visible, concrete, sacrificial gift, His death on the cross. And then, following His resurrection, He ascended into heaven “to prepare a place” for His bride, promising, “If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” This is the great event we in the Church are now awaiting… our Lord’s Return. Yes, when He returns, He will snatch up His bride and take her to heaven for the Wedding and the Marriage Feast. So we wait for that glorious moment, with longing and joy.

Leif left yesterday to return to his teaching position in Beijing, China. In the meantime, Grace has been left with a promise, made visible in a diamond ring. She awaits his return and her new married state with longing and joy. She is already thinking about wedding dresses, and flowers, and decorations.

For me, the ring on Grace’s finger is a powerful reminder of our current relationship to Christ. We wait for Him, longing for Him with joy. And in the meantime, we live our lives in ways that will please Him, that He might find us faithful and prepared at His return.

May the diamond rings in your life can serve as concrete reminders of your relationship to Christ today.